New beginnings

My life is coming out of the fog. Had my assessment today for support worker in adult mental health. And i feel i did bloody good! 

I’ve worked hard for this! And i think all my hard work is going to start paying off! Heres to the future 😁😁

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Thoughts

I’ve been thinking a lot recently. Therapy really is bringing things to the surface that i’ve blocked out. But today i got thinking of my parents. Why do they ignore my mental health? Why don’t they want to help me? Why don’t they reach out and ask how i am? Why don’t they reply back when i give them a window of opportunity after mentioning something regarding my mental health before them quickly changing the subject? Why at 9 and 13 years old was my letter of depressive feelings ignored and not acknowledged? 

I no longe get down at the fact they dont make effort or show to care. She also isn’t a trigger to me anymore. I keep my distance and only visit for the kids and have accepted it is what it is. They are who they are because of what they went through growing up. They didn’t want to change what they went through to make it better for us kids, they let it damage us, i let it damage me. 

But i wont anymore. My children need me to be my best. So that i sha’ll try and be 😊

19th July

Been a busy day today, had my hair pampered then to visit rikardo and catherine. 

I always feel a bit down and deflated after therapy, but i was feeling emotional anyway. Bringing up so much from the past and putting the pieces of the puzzle together; its starting to make sense of why i do/feel/think/say the things i do. I aren’t going to focus on the down feeling because it’s good that these are coming out and i’m progressing forward. She said some things that gave me some ideas to put into my wellness book. I am lucky to have the support i am getting from them both and others around me. 

Me and Lucas having a little alone time. He asked to lay and cuddle up to me and allowed me to play with his hair. It was fun whilst it lasted, as expected the tantrums soon began 😂

Had a little play with Poppy, shes such a nutter 😂 trying to lick my tongue and doing her cheeky laugh. She’s so mean to insects and dolls, shows them a bit of love then throws them or tries to kill them 😂 She’s definately got her dads michievous side to her.

Going to have some time with Simon, see how we get on at communicating as i feel i’ve neglected him in all of this with me. I need to start letting my guard down and show him i appreciate everything he does and for even sticking by me through it all! He’s a gem ❤ Not to mention he’s going to get us steak and rice from the steak bus 😁