Refreshed

Cor this week has just been too busy. Rushed off my feet at work and check me on a saturday, up at 6am with kids and now on my way into work because we are just so busy. I’ve so much to update on when i get a spare 5 minutes to breathe. 

Had an earlier night last night, crashed out on sofa i was that tired. Quite looking forward to my lazy sunday lay in before the hectic week begins 😐

Minge factoryΒ 

I absolutely love my minge factory girls. I entered a make up swap box, but due to mental health dipping i decided to drop out because i wasn’t in the frame of mind to try get a nice box together for my swapper. All of them have only gone and chipped in and done me a box up to open with them all on saturday. Something to look forward to ❀❀ i have some amazing people in my life.

Patience

As the title says….patience is something i have a lot of when im feeling good. But the god damn cunt waffles at work are really testing my fucking patience right now. I cant wait for bindy to get back in work, the only person that actually pulls her finger out with me and wants to work. 

Got a big order to go out tomorrow, and only me is pulling my finger out. Moonlight flit ross dissapeared at 1 knowing we have a shit load to do. Wandering kev did his usual slacking and wondering and me….had to pick up the slack! Working until 6.30 on my feet all day, sat down for 5 minutes and didn’t even get chance to eat dinner. I’ve pre warned the boss to prepare his ears tomorrow for my big rant that i’ve held in for months and again to prepare on friday when bindy comes in because shes dragged in because of slacking workers who only work when good easy money work comes in 😠😠😠

Think i’ve finished my rant now 

Laughter is the best medicine

I work with 2 absolute nutters, them 2 would happen to be my cousins. I’ve nicknamed them twit and twat. They bounce off each other and have us all in fits of laughter. They certainly cheered me up after been an angry hot head at the fella im working with πŸ˜‘

Another good day, mainly because of twit and twat. They aren’t just family they are great friends also, always there for each other when 1 or the other is down. We call ourself the depression club because we all suffer in different ways. Glad to be back at work and busy with good people around me. 

Thought quite a lot today about me and simon. I realised just how much he is my soul mate & i actually want him for life. I honestly would be lost without him and it scares me and get anxious thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Im trying not to worry and just think of the now because my family right now are everything ❀

Good start

The weekend gave me a good start to the week. Yesterday at work i think i ate my body weight in food out of boredom as work was slow. Come 7pm when the kids are in bed i found myself crashed on the sofa feeling the effects of all the food i ate πŸ™Š felt sick as a pig and very tired. Next thing it was 10pm and simon walks through the door. By this time it was too late to take quetiapene as it would make me really tired throughout the next day. 

Im suprised i managed a full nights sleep with napping since 7pm but i feel nice and refreshed, ready for a busy day 😁

My happy placeΒ 

Today we went exploring Victoria’s cave, & i thought whilst we are in Malham why not visit Janet’s foss. It looked absolutely amazing today. The colour, how peaceful the water sounded and how slowly it was flowing by. We could cross the stones onto the other side, its truly a beautiful place. I could sit there all day.

I most definately cannot wait to go on a warm day and go for a swim. It’s a place you have to visit to appreciate the true beauty! This is my real anti depressant, being outdoors with my loved ones ❀

Lifting up

Having a good weekend so far. Had a date night with simon friday, went for a few drinks in leeds. Didn’t make it a late 1 as drinking on meds makes me feel sick. Was nice to have some quality time with just him 😁

Went for a walk with pops and simon to ilkley saturday. Was a nice day out and poppy enjoyed getting mucky and hiding in the bushes. Got my little lucas back as he wasn’t well. Put both kids to bed alone as simon was out at the gym and it went suprisingly smoothe, both was gone within minutes of head hitting the pillow. πŸ’ͺ reminded me i can do it and don’t need to rely on others constantly. 


Today we are going caving! Feeling relaxed and in control so far 😁

Life vs death

Why should i live? 

-because i deserve to for me and my family     -not cause heartbreak to loved ones                   -watch my children grow into amazing people                                                                        -give them a life i didn’t have                              -prove my lifes worth to myself                          -achieve all of my future goals                            -see what amazing things life has to offer

Why should i die? 

-end all the pain and hurt i feel 

Jesus im feeling a range of emotions tonight. 

I dont know wether im coming or going. Inside screams i give up whilst my outside is trying to keep going to show my brain i’m handling it and coping. I cant remember the specific words catherine uses.

Feeling massively mistaken right now. Cant handle judgement and becoming snappy. Here goes the viscious cycle πŸ™

Was looking forward to my puddin after late tea and now i just dont want to touch it. Avoiding food because i feel so sick and annoyed at myself. Ugly fat worthless piece of shit under a shoe. Only thing i get right is being a mum and that isn’t good enough often.